He says that he’s too embarrassed to ask me for this favor
But in his Spanish it sounds sweeter, more innocent, almost childlike
He sets up his station at the dining room table:
A paper towel and two different sets of nail clippers
He folds the paper towel in half
before placing his withered and wrinkled hands on top
He lets me hold them
I cannot remember the last time we held hands
His hands have turned soft now
delicate
And I can’t help but think how upset his younger self would be
knowing that his rough and calloused hands are now gone
replaced with something more fragile
He tenses up and braces for the pain
I accidentally cut him once a few months ago
causing him to bleed
and though I’m not his biggest fan
I don’t want to inflict any more damage to his already deteriorating body
He has the cancer for that
I place the clippers on the corner of his nail
I pause, pull back and readjust
He closes his eyes as if trying to escape to someplace else
I know this trick because I too have done the same many times when I was a kid
especially whenever he was around
I grow nervous
We both hold our breaths…
Click
we exhale
and he takes a peek
I find my groove
my careful movements slowly transform into a dance
I snap away and cut almost perfect half circles
retrace some steps to make sure to smooth out the edges
for some reason I want this to be perfect
It only takes a few minutes
but it feels like an eternity
I sweat
and so does he
We’re both happy when it’s over
At the end
He says:
“gracias, papi”
and though he always called me that
I can’t help but realize that perhaps our roles have reversed
and I am now the father figure in our relationship
He slowly gets up from the table
collects the paper towel with his nail clippings and clippers
He hobbles to dispose the evidence
before making his way back to his bedroom
where he shuts the door and spends the rest of the day alone
I don’t know what to make of this moment
tears do not feel like the appropriate response
because I am committed to hating him
but something in me starts to
soften.
Added: Friday, June 20, 2025 / Used with permission.
Adrian Gaston Garcia (aka AGG) is a queer Latine storyteller whose mission is to share narratives that build community. His work is largely based on his experiences and the intersectionality of his identities. It is a shout out to all the queer brown boys who choose joy as their form of resistance. He is the co-host and producer of Los Bookis Podcast, a podcast for queer Latine bookworms who love queer Latine stories, and also the organizer of Tintas DC, a Latine writers group in the DC Metro Area. Adrian is a 2025 Pride Poet in Residence at the Arts Club of Washington.
Image Description: Adrian Gaston Garcia speaks into a microphone on a stand. He has short, neatly groomed dark hair and a trimmed beard. He wears a simple black V-neck shirt and a small star-shaped earring in his left ear.
